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Jesus 2.0 – Creepypasta

Campfire Stories - Creepypasta
Studying Time: 13 minutes

This story is a part of the writer’s Heavensville collection of interrelated tales. In the event you take pleasure in it, the writer invitations you to click on right here to learn the opposite tales within the collection.


The very first thing I observed about him was his shaggy, champagne-coloured hair that reached right down to his shoulders and the way it contrasted towards his darkish, brown pores and skin. He smiled, taking a look at me together with his sleepy eyes.

“I’m Chus Dominguez,” he stated, extending his delicate hand in the direction of me.

Based on his file, the child had lived a life crammed to the brim with the worst of luck. Nonetheless, his sleepy eyes have been cheerful and tender as he launched himself. I already favored him.

“I’m Mio,” I replied enthusiastically, “Your new foster dad.” I smiled vast, hoping to look welcoming.

In our first month collectively, I discovered that Chus liked sporting tie-dye t-shirts, ripped pair of denims and John Lennon impressed sun shades. He was an enormous fan of all issues Michael Jackson. And every time he spoke, it was like a music, all the time ending on a lovely observe. His charming demeanor and kooky charisma gained over each individual he met. I actually believed I had lucked out as a result of I had been advised youngsters have been the toughest to foster; however my Chus, he was grand.

Chus impressed his academics at college together with his encyclopedia-like information, acing his first science undertaking when he used a chemical response to show water into wine. Since his grades have been good, I allowed him to take an after-faculty job. He managed to get a job as a carpenter’s helper and together with his wage, he made donations to the native homeless shelter. On weekends, he volunteered on the Humane Society. I imply, I actually couldn’t complain. The child was fairly spectacular.

One night, as I handed by his room, I heard him and his greatest pal, Tia Chrinst, guffawing. I assumed nothing of it till I smelled one thing acquainted within the air. Barely fearful, I popped my head within the door.

“Guys? Everything alright?” I requested.

I noticed Chus hiding one thing inside his mouth, not capable of reply. Tia, additionally holding one thing in her mouth, turned a pallid white. I knew what it was.

“Guys, relax,” I stated, sighing and chuckling, “It’s okay. It’s legal in this state, but, technically, not for you guys. So just do it at home. No driving or going outside, okay?”

Chus and Tia instantly burst into laughter, releasing all of the smoke from their mouths into the air. I laughed all the best way to my room, the place I reminisced concerning the days I used to get excessive with my pals again in highschool myself. What an exquisite time the 60s had been.

I used to be dozing off to sleep, once I heard them once more, this time within the kitchen. I assumed it was a basic case of the munchies, so I walked down the steps to point out them the place all the products have been. As I walked in the direction of the kitchen, I inadvertently overheard their dialog.

“But have you actually spoken to him lately?” Tia requested Chus.

Chus gloomily replied, “It’s been at least a century since I last spoke to him. But I think he knows where I am. Or if he doesn’t yet, he’ll figure it out soon enough.”

I assumed they have been reenacting a scene from a film.

Tia continued, “Well, if our plan goes through, you’ll only have to speak to him once more. And then you can live happily ever after. For eternity. Imagine that!”

“I just feel bad,” Chus replied, “About using Mio. This is the first time in my entire, long life that I’ll be using a human for my own selfish need.”

‘Use me? For what?’ I assumed to myself, quietly standing behind the wall of the kitchen.

“Oh, stop it,” Tia replied, irritated, “You’re literally the most selfless soul in this universe. It’s okay to take care of your own needs once in a lifetime.”

Feeling dissatisfied and barely frightened, I silently walked again to my room. I attempted not to consider the dialog I had overheard between Tia and Chus. However, quickly sufficient, issues began to crumble down for me.

First, my automotive was vandalized. Then, my id was stolen. However issues obtained worse. By the top of the month, I had misplaced my job and had an terrible case of pneumonia. At this level, I used to be beginning to get frightened as I needed to care for Chus’ wants, not simply mine. I searched and looked for a brand new job on-line however acquired no replies. Worse, I might barely breathe as my pneumonia grew scarier and scarier regardless of all of the treatment and medical visits.

“It’s all my fault,” Chus sheepishly stated to me one night.

I coughed right into a serviette, some blood staying behind on it. “What do you mean? Of course it’s not.”

“No. It is. It’s my fault. I know who is doing all of this. It’s my father. He’s doing it to punish me,” he replied, tightening his shoulders.

“Okay?” I stated, puzzled.

“Christmas is right around the corner, and on Christmas, we tell the truth,” he started, “I picked you, Mio. I chose you because I knew what a good guy you’ve been your whole life. Attempting to foster a child is a clear example of your altruism. You’re selfless. And I love that about you.”

I continued to pay attention.

“You don’t deserve all the misery that was befallen onto you. This is happening to you because he knows I’m here with you. And I’ve tried to stop it, I’ve tried to help you, but he’s stronger than I am. And I’m sorry, but… I needed your help. You see, my father, he’s a very controlling man,” Chus stated wanting down at his palms.

I used to be utterly misplaced considering the pneumonia was blocking me from making sense of every little thing he was telling me.

Chus continued,“I don’t think you’ll believe me until you see it for yourself. I’m going to need you to come with me. Would you come with me, Mio?”

I observed his eyes glistening as they crammed with tears.

“Where?” I requested.

“To see my father. The one who created me,” he replied.

Chus drove us out an hour away to a secluded seashore the place he walked me to the sting of the water. I assumed that he had arrange a gathering on the seashore together with his father behind my again. On the level, the pneumonia was so extreme that each one I might say was ‘yes’ to the whole lot.

“Chus, do you think on the way back we could stop at the pharmacy for-“ Before I could finish my sentence, I noticed a man approaching us.

This wasn’t just any man. He was a giant. He was a brawny man, strong and powerful, with muscles protruding from his body like mountains on a valley. He wore a pair of unreasonably tight, black swim trunks that highlighted everything. His massive legs looked like they could crush any living creature with a single misstep. His thick skin was evenly bronzed and looked recently oiled. His hair, slightly wet from the ocean, shined and moved in the wind, like in a Pantene commercial.

“Hello, father,” I heard Chus say. I couldn’t consider that Chus, the shaggy-haired, scrawny child had come from this colossal big whose shadow within the sand was 3 times the dimensions of me.

“Hello,” he answered in a husky voice, “It’s been a while. And I see you’ve brought a friend.”

Feeling utterly insufficient I managed a wimpy “Uh, hi,” earlier than bending over as I coughed up a storm. His father barely acknowledged me.

“So, you’re going to pretend that you don’t know Mio? After everything you’ve put him through?” Chus requested him.

His father broke out right into a loud and intimidating laughter, revealing good tooth. “So, you’ve gone looking for a new father. You don’t remember what happened the last time you had a human father?” He laughed some extra.

I used to be a bit confused by his selection of phrases.

“Mio, how long have you been his father?” His father all of a sudden requested me.

“About 6 months,” I stated, making an attempt to carry some extra coughs I might really feel build up inside me.

“Oh? Six months. Wow. Because I’ve been doing this for thousands of years and he’s still a giant puzzle to me,” his father replied, dismissing me together with his palms.

“Okay,” I answered, feigning laughter, “Let’s not get sarcastic, now. I’ve been with him for a little over 6 months and it’s been going great. Now, I don’t know how he ended up in foster care, and I’m not here to judge you but-“

“Judge me?” His father instantly requested, sounding scorned. “Of course you’re not here to judge me. I’m the one who does all the judging.”

“Wow, okay” I replied, getting irritated, “Listen, I think you need to drop it down a notch with your condescending attitude, sir. Once again, I don’t know what issues you have-“

“What issues I have?” His father requested me, sarcastically. “You don’t know the half of it. And I mean that literally. This son of mine created half-a-book worth of lies in my name.”

“I- I don’t follow?” I replied.

I seemed over at Chus who was now quickly blinking and forming beads of sweat over his brow.

“There’s a book. About me. It’s the highest selling book worldwide. You should read it sometime, but only the first part,” his father added sarcastically. Noticing I nonetheless had no concept what he was speaking about, he sucked his tooth and stated, “You people are truly clueless. You don’t get it? I made men. And women. And the skies, the oceans, the animals, the stars in this universe and, I even made your mom. I made everything. And all I’ve ever asked for in return was for you, smarty-pant creations, to use your God-given brains to worship and adore your creator.”

He paused, closing in on me, “I am your father. I am everyone’s father. Because I am God.”

‘Okay, this guy is completely nuts,’ I assumed to myself, laughing out loud, inflicting me to have one other coughing match.

His father stared at me as I struggled to regain my composure, however earlier than I might, he tapped me on the shoulder and stated, “Watch this.”

He positioned his arms over my chest and shoved me right down to the bottom.

“Hey! Hey!” I stated, slowly getting again up, “There’s no need to get violent. Violence only-“ I stopped in the middle of my sentence, noticing the immediate change that had occurred inside me. The pain in my chest was gone. The scratchy feeling inside me throat? Gone. The chills? Gone. The pounding headache? Gone. The pneumonia had disappeared.

“How did you-? What did you-? How is that-?” I requested, pointing at him after which again at me after which again at him once more.

“I’m God, remember?” He repeated.

I appeared over at Chus, who merely shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

“Now listen, here’s what we’re gonna do,” God stated, “My son here, will be coming with me. And I will spare your life and give you back your health, your car, your job and whatever else I took because, quite frankly, I did get a little jealous watching you two canoodling.”

“I’m not coming with you,” Chus lastly stated, breaking his silence.

“Wait, if he’s God, and you’re his son, does that make you-?” I requested, doing the maths in my head.

Chus nodded.”Yeah, about that. My identify is Chus. Which, in spanish, is brief for Jesus.”

I stood there in shock, remembering all his quirks I had observed; his kindness, his empathy, his intelligence, his carpentry expertise, his capability to show water into wine. How did I not see it earlier than?

Noticing my confusion, Chus added “Of Nazareth?” For clarification.

Nonetheless, I stood frozen, going by means of some type of existential disaster.

“Oh come on!” God all of the sudden exclaimed. “Are you serious? Now you’re impressed? Now you’re speechless? I literally just told you I am God and then cured you from pneumonia, but it’s this guy being Jesus what impresses you?”

“I-uh-no… I’m sorry. I just,” I couldn’t work out a solution to clarify my pure response.

God slammed his monumental fists on the bottom, making the sand vibrate beneath us.

“This is why I detest humans! They worship anything that slightly impresses them. Elvis, the Internet, the Kardashians. I mean, I sent my son Jesus to spread my word, and then what do they do? They make up an entire new religion based off from him, complete with the biggest holiday on earth included. Paganism! Paganism everywhere!”

“I was only trying to help,” Jesus replied, indignantly. I felt dangerous for Jesus. His father was clearly jealous of him.

“Oh! You were only trying to help?” God repeated mockingly. “Do you think it helped me when you claimed that all sins would be forgiven and absolved by me if humans simply repented? Do you think you helped me when you claimed that anyone could make it into the Heavens as long as they claimed my name at their deathbed? NO! You didn’t help. You made all of that stuff up and made a mockery out of my regime! You and your incompetent forgiving ways have gotten us nowhere!”

Jesus shortly replied, “What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to allow you to continuously punish human souls for every tiny, small action that you consider a sin?”

“This is MY universe and I am its God! Therefore, only I can decide what is a sin or not. Only I get to decide the difference between good and evil!”

Jesus appeared over at me. “You know, you shouldn’t worship God. Not if you want to end up living inside a marble.” He paused. “That’s what he does. He keeps all the souls inside little marbles so that he can easily count them and know exactly how many souls he owns. And inside the marbles, gives them the illusion of what he considers to be eternal bliss, which is really just stale Boston cream donuts and room-temperature soda, along with reruns of Gilligan’s Island. That’s Heaven, according to him.”

“Oh my god,” I answered, petrified.

“Don’t use my name in vain,” God prettily replied, ignoring Jesus’ accusations.

“I’m so sorry,” I instantly replied.

“Don’t say sorry to a murderer,” Jesus provocatively stated, ”He had me tortured. Males tore by way of my tendons, nerves and wrists, nailing me to a picket cross I needed to carry myself. Have you learnt what it looks like to hold in your again, for miles, the gadget that can be finally used to homicide you? The bodily agony I endured was unforgivable. However worse than that, he made me carry the load of all human sins on my again for lots of of years. There isn’t a greater weight than that. You guys do sin so much. The struggling I went by way of throughout that interval in my life has left with with traumas that I nonetheless wrestle with as we speak.”

God laughed. “I don’t care. The truth is, I stopped caring about you 2000 years ago when you began spreading false sermons and false messages about who I am and what they must do. Let me be clear with you, I do not forgive. Ever. I do not care. Ever. And I’ll be honest, I feel no guilt about anything I’ve done because I. AM. GOD. I have no remorse from the time I convinced Abraham to kill his children, I have no remorse for ordering the death of children in Egypt, I have no remorse for the time I suffocated and drowned all humans on earth, leaving only Noah and his family behind. So to be completely clear, I have no remorse for what I had done to you. And do you know why?”

Jesus’ eyes full of tears once more.

“Because I created it all. I am the almighty. There is nothing greater than me. And whether you like it or not, I am still your father,” God replied, his eyes greater than ever.

“Oh my God,” I stated, scared shitless.

“You’ve used my name in vain again, Mio,” God stated, turning to me.

“I’m so sorry, God, I really am. It’s a habit of mine,” I shortly replied, realizing what sort of god I used to be dealing with.

“Oh for God’s sake!” Jesus instantly screamed. “Do you really care to insult this God? The reason he is collecting souls is because there are other gods! In other universes! And they have this ridiculous competition going about who can collect the most souls in 1.3 billion years. There is no eternal bliss. It’ll all be over in 1.3 billion years, earth, humans, this universe, it’ll all disappear and then he’ll move on to something else. He always does.”

“Oh my God,” I stated once more, idiotically not realizing I had used his identify in useless once more.

“That’s it! You quit using my name in vain for stupid human expressions!” God out of the blue screamed at me.

“Yes! I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed, falling right down to my knees, begging for mercy.

God appeared happy, seeing me on my knees.

“No! Get up!” Jesus abruptly ran over to me, choosing me up from the bottom. “I will not allow this any longer! God, I denounce you as my father. That’s why I came here in the first place. I came to tell you that you are no longer my father. Mio, here, he is my real father. I no longer love you. I no longer adore you. I no longer worship you. I love Mio, a true good soul. And I’m here to say goodbye.”

I had heard about God’s fury earlier than, however had by no means seen its true powers. Jesus’ phrases to his father clearly broke one thing inside him. The very last thing I keep in mind was God exploding right into a burning, shiny mild. After that, the world round me disappeared as darkness set in. I felt an avalanche of worry put in inside me, as if I had downloaded it instantly into my soul. I felt helpless, lonely, ache, heartbreak, super struggling. I can’t clarify with phrases what it felt like, however I simply needed to vanish into the darkness and to by no means exist once more. I cried out in agony, solely to be surrounded by my echoing screams. Lastly, after what appeared like an eternity, I dozed off.

Once I awoke, a person sat by my bedside, holding my hand. I didn’t acknowledge him at first. He was slim with shaggy, champagne-coloured hair that reached right down to his elbows.

“Remember me? Jesus. Of Nazareth?” He broke into that infectious smile of his.

I felt protected once more.

“Where are we?” I requested him, noticing all of the pink furnishings and purple partitions within the room.

“Don’t be scared,” he stated, pausing, “We are in a place called Heavensville. But don’t be fooled by its name. It’s not Heaven. It’s actually the headquarters for Hells Inc. on earth. We are in the home of Lucifer.”

“What?” I stated, a rush of worry all of the sudden operating by way of my physique.

“No,” Jesus replied, noticing my response, “You can relax. It was on purpose. Let me explain. I’ve been trying to get here for thousands of years, even before my first arrival to earth. But, you can’t just enter Hell. You have to be cast into it by God. Only he decides who comes here. So I had to figure out a way to get here. And my friend, Tia, helped me come up with the plan of making my father jealous enough so that he would finally cast me into Hell.”

“Tia? As in, Tia Chrinst, your best friend from school?” I requested, remembering the younger teenaged woman with the heavy black eyeliner.

Jesus nodded. “Yes, Tia Chrinst. You might know her better as her anagram name. She is the daughter of Lucifer. She’s the Antichrist.”

I used to be feeling even worse by then.

“Look, you have to understand, God has only used me. I only realized it after getting back from earth the first time. And Tia was there for me. And… we fell in love. But as much as I tried to convince my father to accept our relationship, he opposed it because he’s a jealous God. And he has always been jealous of his greatest creation… Lucifer. So, of course I was not allowed to date his daughter. And of course, he gave her the title of the antichrist.”

“I- I guess I can’t judge you,” I replied, sitting up, “God is very… unpleasant.”

“Yes,” Jesus replied, “I hope you can understand my choices. And as for you, there’s no need to worry about getting back home. There’s a portal here to earth in the Town Hall. It’s going through some technical difficulties right now, but they should have it up and running soon and you’ll get to go home.”

“What about you? Where will you go?”

“Oh, well, Lucifer has been kind enough to give me an office and a home here in Heavensville. And as it turns out, I have a lot of angel buddies of mine living here. God casts millions of angels to Hell per year due to their insubordination. So, we have a “Little Heaven” neighborhood inside Hell crammed with fallen angels. And I don’t know, I really feel like I can change some issues round right here. A number of the demons appear incorrigible, however others appear open-minded. Even Lucifer himself, he’s not such a nasty man. I feel there’s a ton of room for enchancment. And I feel I’m simply the man for the job.”

“Wow,” I replied, “That’s a complete change of dynamic.” I laughed. “Jesus of Nazareth, Demon of Bethlehem.”

Jesus laughed hysterically. “I love that. I think I’m going to use it!”

Somebody knocked on the door, slowly cracking it open.

“The portal is ready,” stated a determine with a human’s physique and a goat’s head, “Time for him to go home.”


Credit score: Sandra Varela (Twitter • Reddit)

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